Thursday, June 19, 2008

How to create a Linux distro

Newb guide #4. Suck it.

  • Pick versions of the kernel, glibc, gcc, that are different from all other distros. So that you too, can "Think Different," or at least claim that you have the newest kernel among all distros for the next 2 weeks.
  • Pick a color. Make your distro's default desktop look that color. Beware that blue, green, red, and brown are taken. This is your distro's branding you see? Having a consistent color increases usability, even more so than having usable apps.
  • Make sure your distro's name has at least two intuitive pronunciations, so that you as the maintainer can be a dick and correct everyone who says it wrong.
  • Take tons of screenshots showing that you can run all the same damn apps as every other distro.
  • Don't mention any detailed information about what kind of hardware your distro is known or not known to work on.
  • Say that it's "community tested," but mean that you personally haven't tested it all.
  • Have a snazzy website with a bunch of gradients. Preferably blending from your color of choice (see above) to white. Copy Apple websites as much as possible.
  • Use a different package format from all other distros
  • Failing that, use a similar package format, but make sure all your packages are incompatible
  • Definitely be sure to have your own package updating mechanism. I mean, if you can't even write that code yourself, how are we to trust you?
  • Make sure you have a freetard version. Undo all the useful integration work you did with proprietary binaries that people want to use.
  • Release new, barely tested bits every 6 months and claim that it is a sign of progress.
  • Make sure you're LSB compliant. Also make sure that that means absolutely nothing.
  • Never admit that your distro could be achieved by just reconfiguring another distro.
  • Do one thing right that every other distro gets wrong. Make sure that the solution you come up with only works in your distro.
  • Have a forum where users of your distro can complain to each other. Make sure this forum allows users to have signatures that tell me about all the hardware they've wasted by running your distro.
  • Have a brainstorm site where users can point out the most obvious problems and make you look like an idiot.
  • Have a bugzilla, but don't ever fix any of the bugs. Blame them all on upstream, then don't tell upstream about the problems.
  • Make sure every upstream package has at least two patches. This differentiates your product, see?
  • Have a newsletter. Make sure this newsletter has a column to introduce random users of your distro who are total nerds and haven't made a cent from all the work they put into their configuration.
  • Write tons of documentation on complicated procedures to make things work, instead of making things work.

127 flames:

Anonymous said...

Write tons of documentation on complicated procedures to make things work, instead of making things work.

aww .. that shot him home...

Anonymous said...

Wow, man, all that hate...
You really loved linux, once upon a time; didn't you?

Igor said...

He uses OSX now... his favorite application is macports(a apt|portage wannabe)

Dorian said...

Hmm... LH by any chance would be using Debian, and hence a Ubuntu hater? ;-)

Anonymous said...

He's not a Debian user. He hates what he loves, which is why he criticizes it so strongly. He uses Linux. And most likely Ubuntu, with how familiar he is with it various defects and social issues. He hates Ubuntu because he uses it.

Igor said...

Hehe, he is like a Linux EMO

vistek said...

NO.. just no, man.. :( ur scaring me.. i think.. that ur one of THEM.. :(

Jeff said...

Too many friggin' distros, all doing things differently, all incompatible in major or minor wasys, even ones "derived" from others, break compatibility in some way with the mother distro.

I live Linux Haters Blog, because it's by a guy who seems like to me a heavy Linux user and fan, but frustrated with the community and distros screwing things up that should not be screwed up. So he bitches about it to get the community and distros to wake the hell up to their totally idiotic and uncecessary deficiencies.

h1d said...

rms said, open the code, so there are no secrets and people (read, real hackers back in the days) could tinker with the code when they need to.

now it's 21st century, even above 6th grade codes. people reinterpret it as free as in free of price and gather up bunch of amature coders that come and go, and i guess it never works against paid organized group of small amount of people but since people are dumb and just believe in foss religiously without using the necessary brain tissue, it keeps going like it as if software developing is some kind of voluntary work...

so, yes. rms' devotion got people's mind into wrong direction. at least i like how people take free as in free of charge, so i get to pay less but that comes at the cost of tons of shit apps.

compared to it, somehow mac app devs are smart enough to make many of their apps shareware, more than half of useful apps seems to be shareware on mac with the added bonus of apps being rather well made and useful.

Anonymous said...

PREMISE: Maybe what I think is stupid, also I don't speak english very well so pardon me if I won't be clear. However since this is a blog where everyone is nice and we all love each other I've decided tol come out with my thoughts.

Why I can't see around in the market a big hardware/software that is like Apple but using only Open Source software?

I don't mean a company like Dell or Asus that ships a computer with some distro on it (though Asus is doing good with subnotebooks).

I mean a software/harware company that uses the Linux kernel and chooses a desktop enviroment like KDE or GNOME and then tell their developers to fill all the gaps for the final user. That thinks every detail about usability on their platform.

They would be able to reach an agreement with Adobe and other big software companies that we all know aren't going to ship Photoshop under OSI license and are afraid of the caotic linux world.
So that they have a reference when they want to ship for linux. They have one platform to target their Photoshop, the Flash editor etc. Same thing for videogames companies that aren't going to ship their software for 5 or 5000 different distros.

The geek that wants to spend his nights compiling gentoo and cry for happiness when his webcam works will still be able to do it. Free software will still be there available for everybody.

But your grandma, your girlfriend and every other human being with a social life will be able to buy a computer with linux and buy new hardware without being afraid because on every scanner, printer, webcam there will be written:

works on Windows, Mac OSX and your fucking freetard computer!

Anonymous said...

I love you so much I might have to get a divorce.

lincon said...

Well said! Really love reading your blog.
I'm a linux users for years.
All you wrote are sad but true.

tuomov said...

"rms said, open the code, so there are no secrets and people (read, real hackers back in the days) could tinker with the code when they need to."

Instead of secrets, there will be complexity, and you we get the same old vendor lock-in. When you can't ensure your position of power by secrecy, you ensure it by complexity. Maybe originally the complexity as ad hoc layers of kludges upon layers of ad hoc kludges was just because you're a shit coder and are racing for world domination. But after you're there, there's no incentive to fix/simplify things. That's the Worse is Better fallacy/ideology prominent in FOSS. It's all about business/power games, little at all about good software.

Just how many alternatives Web browsers that can actually display most of the web pages there are? How many alternatives there are to the POS Open Office? To all the udev, fontconfig, etc. madness? Creating alternatives requires time, which most of us don't have. Thus we're stuck to the shit the few shitty paid elit edevelopers shove at us.

vmladenov said...

Go go, slap them all. Yesterday I tried to upgrade my Suse - no success. When Linux developers will stop and will say: Let's create a standard for this and for that. Let's all use same package systems. Let's with no problem to install a same package to all distributions, not to have five different version. Let's all we use same file and folder structure. Let's use same naming convention for libraries and packages.
When this happens then Linux will increase it's market share from 1% to 5% and more.

tuomov said...

"Let's create a standard for this and for that. Let's all use same package systems. Let's with no problem to install a same package to all distributions, not to have five different version. Let's all we use same file and folder structure. Let's use same naming convention for libraries and packages."

And you'll have a suffocating monoculture, which isn't any better than the present fragmented situation. It's better to create mechanisms for cooperation, rather than strict standards. For example, programs should be relocatable, runnable from anywhere where their application directory is extracted. And then a way for the package to query the location of their dependencies -- the exact version. And -- tada -- no need to standardise directory structure (my system has no freaking folders!), and you get easy non-root installs as well, multiple version coexistence, and many things with a simple mechanisms that imposes much less policy than strict standardisation.

Anonymous said...

we already heard that, I want to see a post about openoffice, this is the software i hate most :D

Igor said...

Dude, you have a lot of material:

OpenOffice, Java, Mono, GTK+, the Kernel...

Wireless talk about that, that really sucks!!! :) even Intel OpenSource drivers sucks!

Anonymous said...

"Dude, you have a lot of material:

OpenOffice, Java, Mono, GTK+, the Kernel..."

OpenOffice is a great office suite and can do everything MS Office can, for free.

Java has nothing to do with Linux in particular, it runs the same on all platforms.

Mono does suck since its C# which is a carbon copy of Java with Microsoft's name on it.

GTK+, if you hate it don't use firefox.

The kernel is extremely stable and makes the windows kernel look like an infant.

Igor said...

@Anonymous:

None, of your points is a good statement... I was obviously kidding... but no.

Openoffice has issues even security issues, its the best but it has problems.

Java runs on all platforms? ORLY? why it sucks in Linux then?

C# its not a Java carbon copy, you just don't know how to program apparently.

GTK+ is just a minimal part of Firefox, and GTK+ has things that are sucky... like theming for example.

Kernel can be too stable but the wireless drivers sucks, and it consumes too much power. Even though its the best thing out there.

In the end, I was just kidding but I know the issues, and you don't, go ahead Linux hater, you know what you are talking about!

PCMan's Blog said...

@igor:
GTK+ is NOT a part of firefox, and firefox has nothing to do with gtk+. Firefox only uses some mechanisms to communicate to gtk+ and make its user interface looks identical to that in gtk+. That's emulated and not native gtk+ UI.

Go to http://www.gtk.otg/, and read carefully about what's it. Don't comment on something you don't really know.

Anonymous said...

LH is the Linux Yahtzee?

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation

Igor said...

@pcman

Ah yeah I'm sorry, that was what I wanted to say(when I said minimal), annon was the one who said that Firefox was written in GTK+.

Christoffer said...

"For example, programs should be relocatable, runnable from anywhere where their application directory is extracted"

This is what klik2 tries to do.

See here:

http://code.google.com/p/klikclient/

Now if distros really wanted to be user friendly they would pour some resources into klik2. But no, they don't understand the problem and every day Windows and Mac OSX win.

Anonymous said...

> And you'll have a suffocating monoculture, which isn't any better than the present fragmented situation. It's better to create mechanisms for cooperation, rather than strict standards. For example, programs should be relocatable, runnable from anywhere where their application directory is extracted. And then a way for the package to query the location of their dependencies -- the exact version. And -- tada -- no need to standardise directory structure (my system has no freaking folders!), and you get easy non-root installs as well, multiple version coexistence, and many things with a simple mechanisms that imposes much less policy than strict standardisation.

And this is why desktop Linux failed, and will continue to do so.

The average user doesn't understand these reasons, much less care for them or have absolutely ANY use for it. The fact is that standardization across ALL the boards (package management, kernels and compilers, etc) would drastically improve the desktop experience for all users (except for those geeks who like to tinker with the innards of the OS and care where whether the distributor moved a particular file from /usr to /etc, which fits your qualms...)

Anonymous said...

> This is what klik2 tries to do.
Now if distros really wanted to be user friendly they would pour some resources into klik2. But no, they don't understand the problem and every day Windows and Mac OSX win.

There you have the problem again. Things like klik2 were offerred as a solution to the package management problem, yet again there is no agreement of actually implementing it across distros, so the solution doesn't gain any momentum and so falls into obscurity, and thus becomes useless. OpenSUSE prefers its own Buildservice, while Ubuntu is using apt-url to ease package management, while Fedora has already implemented PackageKit. The lack of any consensus within Linux distros is what kills the user experience.

Anonymous said...

Are you mad?! Linux is one of the best idea's ever. Why hate it

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Anonymous said...

Full of it.

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Anonymous said...

"Take tons of screenshots showing that you can run all the same damn apps as every other distro."

Sorry, are you talking about Foresight Linux? Because it uses Gnome and can run Evolution! (http://www.foresightlinux.org/img/screenshots/evolution.png).

You hit the nail on the head will all your articles. Keep it up!

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